- Learn the lingo
Consult A Pirates Glossary of Terms and study it intensely. If these are too difficult to remember, it is perfectly acceptable to be a reclusive pirate who is one of few words. The most feared pirates are those that speak the least, because nobody knows what they are thinking, making them appear all the more dangerous. Also, a hearty arrgh! And aye! at applicable times is acceptable. Also, speak in a raspy voice.
- Take someone hostage
As a pirate, you’re not a nice guy. And people need to know this. If you could get someone to volunteer to be a hostage, that’ll do just fine. However, make sure said hostage never admits this to your crew or enemies. Having a hostage will increase your menace factor considerably.
- Get a parrot
African Greys are fantastic at learning how to repeat the words of their owners. Make sure to teach said parrot as much pirate lingo as possible to cover all bases. If you cannot get your hands on a parrot, a monkey will do.
- Find a treasure map, a ship and a crew
Get your friends involved so that you can build up a pirate crew. A lone pirate is a useless pirate. No one pirate is going to instill fear into the hearts of sailors, unless they look like Boot Strap Bill. Get your hands on a ship and hoist the colours high – preferably using dark, mean colours. Like black. Black is a mean colour. No pinks or greens. Also, feel free to exaggerate the amount of treasure you are hunting for on provided treasure map. It increases incentive.
- Take a fencing class and get a sword
- Dress like a pirate
Get an eye patch and a wooden leg, if you can. A limp puts your pirate credibility up a few notches. If you also have a hook for a hand, all the better. Clothe yourself in an off-white puffy shirt and torn, knee-length pants. Maybe stop showering for a few weeks. Also, no hair washing allowed. If greasy hair disgusts you (and maybe the non-pirates around you), wear a bandana. Not brushing your teeth is optional (but recommended). Also, a pirate always wears boots, unless you only have one leg. In this case, one boot is acceptable.
- Get your ear pierced. Wear a gold hoop earring in it
- Get a tan. There are no respectable pale pirates roaming the seas now, are there?
- Get rum – lots of rum. And engage in fights, lots of fights.
- Research, research, research
Make sure you know your stuff. It means nothing if you have all the other requirements down, but have absolutely no knowledge of pirate culture. Make sure that if you come across any questions about being a pirate, you are fully prepared.
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