Stop, look around you right now and start counting the silly ways in which you could die. Me, die a silly death you exclaim, indignant. Please. My friends and I used to go skateboarding near the rattlesnake pit at the local zoo and we made it out alive, no way am I meeting the grim reaper by slipping on a marble on the floor, or bashing my head on the corner of a pointy table.
Sure, sure, of course. You’re one of the smart ones, and have such incredible control over your body that it would take more than a marble and brief second of stupidity to off you. Though, the fact you just mentioned skateboarding and a rattlesnake pit confirms 100% that the Darwin Awards were created for someone such as yourself.
What makes most Darwin Awards so funny and tragic is that many of them are heavily steeped in so-called Instant Karma. What is that, you’re asking? Let David Monk explain. Drunk and on holiday in Italy, David had a few beers and decided to be random and silly. He took a protective mat from a metal barrier, dragged it to the top of a snowy slope and decided to go sliding down using it as a sled.
He promptly went head first into the same barrier he had stolen the mat from, killing himself instantly.
Instant Karma Take Two
In 2001 a vehicle’s brakes failed on a snowy road. The driver, a gentleman named Marco, decided to leap from the vehicle before it went flying off the edge of a cliff. Luckily, one of the other passengers managed to regain control of the vehicle and bring it to a halt. Sadly, it turned out that the vehicle-abandoning Marco had died throwing himself out of the car, cracking his head on the pavement.
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And Take 3…
In 2018 Zaim Kosnan spotted a 12 foot long reticulated python languishing on the side of the road in Malaysia. Kosnan realised that the snake was worth a considerable sum of money and promptly stopped his motorbike and grabbed it. As he triumphantly held the snake aloft it turned on him, and quickly wrapped itself around his body. He was found the next morning lying by the side of the road and a post mortem revealed he had died by strangulation. Turns out he paid the ultimate price for the snake, and not the other way around.
Need We Say More?
Last we have a death that really is just an example of why the Darwin Awards exist in the first place.
In Russia in 2017 a welder who remains unnamed, discovered just how perfectly a fire extinguisher fitted into a decommissioned artillery howitzer cannon. A cannon. A fire extinguisher with contents under extreme pressure – what could possibly go wrong?
Now, it is important to remember that just because something fits, it doesn’t mean it belongs there… as this unfortunate man soon found out. When the fire extinguisher exploded from the cannon it became a veritable bomb, and blew the welder to smithereens.